The Expendables

The Expendables. A 12-team fantasy outfit held together by group chat receipts, questionable life choices, and the shared belief that this is finally the year.

We are a rotating cast of heroes and henchmen: trade machine magicians, waiver-wire prospectors, spreadsheet shamans, and Sunday tilt poets. Some of us draft like generals. Some of us draft like we’re ordering at Waffle House at 3 a.m. All of us talk like we won last week.

After years on ESPN, we migrated to Sleeper with all the grace of a furniture move up three flights of stairs. It took persuasion, threats, and at least one tutorial from Tech Support, but the deed is done. New platform, same degeneracy.

Team identities change, nicknames multiply, and someone always rage-drops a future Pro Bowler. That’s the covenant. We roast decisions, not people; we set lineups, send trades, and pretend kickers don’t matter until they do.

Reigning champions wear targets. Former champions carry receipts. The rest of us carry hope, caffeine, and a perfectly reasonable plan that requires exactly four things to go right.

Draft like heroes. Manage like villains. Talk like champions. Welcome to The Expendables.